Buying a home together should be exciting—a fresh start, a new adventure, a chance to create lasting memories. But let’s be honest: between the late-night Zillow searches, endless “must-have” lists, and the occasional disagreement over whether you really need a wine cellar, the process can test even the strongest relationships.
As someone who’s helped plenty of couples find (and fight over) their dream homes, I’ve seen firsthand how stressful it can get. But don’t worry—I’ve also got some tips to keep the romance alive while navigating the home-buying journey together.
1. House Hunt as a Team (Seriously, Show Up!)
Years ago as a brand new agent, I had a client named Terry who toured homes with me almost daily. She’d pick one she loved, only for her husband to veto it every time. The problem? He wasn’t looking at homes with us, so he had no idea what a “good” home in their price range actually looked like. Cue months of frustration! Eventually, I had a heart-to-heart with him, and once he started touring homes, they were able to find “the one” pretty quickly. Moral of the story? If you’re buying a home together, you should see homes together. Granted there are special circumstances that call for facetime showings to spouses that are out of town or a deployment that might cause a spouse to buy a house sight unseen. That wasn’t what was happening with Terry.
2. Get Clear About Your Finances
Before you put your home on the market or start your home search you need to make sure you and your spouse on on the same financial page. Figure out how much home you can afford. If you have a house to sell, decide how much you are willing to do to get it ready for the market and who is going to be responsible for which task and how long you each expect it will take you to get them done.
3. Define Your Deal-Breakers (and Pick Your Battles)
Maybe you’re dreaming of a chef’s kitchen, and your partner just wants a three-car garage for his “future” boat. Sit down and make a list of your must-haves and nice-to-haves—but be prepared to compromise. (Pro tip: If one of you is adamant about a feature the other doesn’t care about, it might be a trade-off worth making. Relationships are all about give and take, right?)
4. Keep the Romance Alive (Even in the Chaos!)
Between signing paperwork and negotiating offers, don’t forget to have fun.
- Plan a post-home-shopping date night to decompress. (Bonus points if you dream about your new home over dinner!)
- Write each other a short note about what “home” means to you—it’s a sweet way to stay connected through the process.
- Celebrate milestones! Found a house you both love? Toast with some champagne. Offer accepted? Order in from your favorite restaurant.
5. Remember, It’s You vs. the Market—Not Each Other
The market can be competitive. Bidding wars, inspection surprises, and financing hiccups can make things stressful. But the key is to tackle these challenges together, not turn on each other. Deep breaths, teamwork, and maybe a little chocolate can go a long way.
6. Bring in a Relationship-Savvy Realtor
A good agent (hi, that’s me!) won’t just help you find a home—they’ll help you navigate the emotions and decisions that come with it. Whether that means being a tie-breaker, a voice of reason, or in some cases, having a heart-to-heart with a hesitant spouse (looking at you, Terry’s husband), I’ve got you covered.
Ready to Find “The One” (House, That Is)?
If you and your significant other are thinking about moving up to your next home, I’d love to help make the process smooth—and maybe even fun! Let’s find a home you’ll both love. Text ‘HOME’ to 303-210-6156 to get started!